Single Moments: Friend Zone, Hot Zone by Jessica Orika





Have you ever been so close to someone that you start to develop deep feelings for them and you start to assume they feel the same way only to find out that the feeling was never mutual and the thing you thought you had going was happening only in your head? Have you been in a situation where you watch your best friend whom you love so dearly go through a vicious cycle of failed relationships and you wish they could just consider dating you at least once? I choose to call that the best friend syndrome; A situation where close friendship exists between two people of the opposite sex, one of whom has an unreciprocated feeling for the other. This syndrome begs the question, “Can two people of opposite sex be best friends with no strings attached”? I strongly believe that no matter how good our intentions are, close friendships between members of the opposite sex stand the risk of emotional commitment on the long run which can become an emotional hazard when one has been condemned to the friendzone. Opposites attract. It is almost impossible to find an opposite sex friendship that is purely platonic.
Allow me to define “the friend zone” to you. The friend zone is the hot zone; a very lonely place where nothing but unreciprocated feelings and uncertainty grows. It is that selfish place where commitments are never made but hearts are broken; the place where you invest so much time and keep making sacrifices for them hoping that they’d finally stop chasing after others and just pause for a second to see you and your feelings but you end up disappointed; the only place where relationships happen in your head but never in reality. There are countless scenarios of this syndrome which has ruined so many friendships and shattered hearts. Life in the friendzone never has a happy ending. There is always an uncertainty; not knowing where you stand with them and the option of assumption, using their actions to judge their intentions, becomes so tempting that you unconsciously fall into it. This is a very unhealthy way to live your life. If you are stuck in this zone, you need to get out immediately. You need to realize the fact that these people may never see your worth no matter how hard you try to keep doing more. You cannot put your life on hold waiting around for them to have a change of heart. You cannot keep letting the way you feel define how your life goes. You need to take steps and claim your life back.

QUIT ASSUMING AND START COMMUNICATING: Imagination always appears better than reality but it will cost you more than you bargain for. Assumption destroys friendships and individuals. Stop using their actions to feed your emotions. They may be leading you on. It is your choice to either get carried away, be led on and keep living a lie that will soon destroy you or to guard your heart. Ask instead of assuming you know them too well that you start to use their actions to judge their intentions for you. Communicate clearly. Ask the right questions. Define your relationship before it’s too late. Unless the purpose of a relationship is clearly defined, there will always be room for assumption, uncertainty and a high risk of unreciprocated feelings. It is better to be rejected before getting too emotionally attached than to be rejected when you have already invested so much time in the relationship that has been happening only in your head.

ASK GOD FOR WISDOM: Sometimes it’s easy to confuse lust for love; Not knowing if what you feel can stand the test of time. Confirm your feelings. Ask God for wisdom. It’s okay to define your relationship but make sure you are not defining them on the wrong basis. They may be leading you on. Ask God for wisdom and not your friends. Friends can be very misleading. God can never mislead you. When you ask, be patient enough to listen and be sure it’s him and not your emotions that you are paying heed to. A blender cannot be used properly without its manual. You are God’s masterpiece. Never forget that. Look to the Word. Your answer lies therein.

GUARD YOUR HEART: Your heart is the center of your being. People who are down emotionally do not function effectively physically. Know your identity and hold to it. You are an original and not a substitute. Stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for them to finally see you. Get up and get moving. It is going to be very hard and painful to move on but you need to do so soon before it is too late. Do not follow the crowd and their “keep hope alive” or “make your way to their heart” friendzone advice. Trendy is not always healthy. Your emotional health is important.
It is never too late to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship with them. Don’t put yourself on their option list. You are not an option. You are a unique masterpiece. I’d leave you with this; “when a sales person keeps trying to persuade you to buy a product at a cost that is way cheaper than its original cost price, that product, no matter how beautiful loses its value in your eyes”. That is the same way you lose your worth in their eyes each time you keep making yourself their “standby” or “available choice”. Making yourself more available won’t make them value you anymore than they do now. Know your identity. You are worth the chase. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. Life in the friendzone never has a happy ending. Choose to get out today.


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